Nov 27, 2012

DYING TO LIVE & LIVING TO DIE

Good Morning Family

Yesterday I got some negative news and admittedly I took it pretty roughly.

I not only lost out on job as a commercial driver but found out I lost control of my diabetes, hyper-tension and renal failure (kidneys) but also there is blood in my urine. Obviously, I'm sure it's to imagine that it was not easy being told and reminded that once again, you will die within the next decade (especially, after fighting so hard to reverse and resend these health issues just 9/10 months ago).

I do not tell you this looking for sympathy for myself but as a testimony to all my younger friends, family and followers. When we are in are younger adult lives, 20s and 30s, we believe that we are for the most part immortal. We eat, drink and smoke like there is no tomorrow and dismiss the thought that these harmful health & life choices will more than likely catch up with us. The reality is that it does catch up and for me it has.

Today, (like a year and a half ago) I face not only the reality of my poor health cutting my life short but more importantly and definitely more stressful, leaving behind my love ones to bury me. Many of us have children, spouses and other love ones that depend on us. Some of you have been trying desperately to begin families as I had been for many years. Alcohol, drugs found in our processed foods, the 200+ drugs other than THC found in marijuana and the 50+ additional drugs outside of nicotine found in cigarettes are killing us and leaving many love ones broken and forced to keep moving on after we are already gone.

I hope I am not sounding completely preachy at this point. God knows I have already lived my life of excess, free spirited and care-free like a constant party, making me sound like a complete hypocrite. I just want you to know that the blunts, burgers and beers seem harmless now but it sucks when your sitting on that exam table in the doctor's office and they're telling you how your time is limited. When the doctor is speaking and all you can think about is who do you talk to to beg for more time. When your pulling out of the parking lot and you just remember how you signed a 48 month loan on a Nissan that you must figure out how to pay off so no one will be stuck with your bill. You think of mortgage and rent? You think of who will walk your daughter down the aisle at her wedding? Who will give your son advice? Who will love them and care for them like you do?

My new reality begins today and I can not change that but you can.

Just Think About It....

Nov 1, 2012

(Untitlted)

I whisper words of endearment that lack wisdom
daily begging to be forgiven but no one's feeling it
so I'm ripping, my heart from my chest much like a rose deep rooted
but have you ever imagined the tears of the garden when her children are executed
& again,
your told to just give-up
your told that fighting is futile
your told it's an impossible mission your facing
your told that being happy and being sane are an impossible combination


Lord...
Have...
Mercy...
Please give me patience, wisdom and the understanding to continue living
because surviving and contentment breeds resentment and I don't know how to be giving
anything less than 360%...I need to fight for life like your son did
but I need to know did Adam cry when you took his rib?
How did you not cry when they executed your kid?
Teach me how to live and how to except it when my compassion is under-appreciated
How to put me first and how to move forward and not let my heart be contaminated 
Teach me to fish everyday with a smile on my face, insane and unashamed
Believe in Love, continue the fight and the courage to continue the path unafraid

Oct 20, 2012

Who Stole My Smile

Grand Larceny
The world's greatest smile has been stolen...
Lifted like a thief in the night
Completely inconceivable that I could wake-up this morning and it was missing
No Note, No Randsom, No Clues
It just vanished
Disappeared into the distance and I couldn't even say goodbye
and I am not talking about a regular pass a stranger smile
I mean the greatest smile ever
Marvelous & Magnificent in Spirit
Perfect in Splender
The Rarest of Rare, Irreplacable
Brilliant & Beautiful the essence of angelic presence
A smile that could cut the silence with thunderous roar
Illuminate the night like lightening
Motivate a mountain to move
and gave the oceans waves
A smile that made sunshine envious every day
and it was just taken away

and like the yellow satelite we call a sun it was the center of my universe
I made my heart beat, blood flow and emotions rage with the power of a hundred volcanos
It made grass grow, flowers bloom gave me sight through the absence of light
and when I say I miss it, I mean my earth is no longer spinning without it
and now it is impossible to get my day started without my smile
and now I just sit thinking of how could I ever locate my smile again
Now
I just want to know how I begin to live again when someone has stolen my smile









(if you have my smile please give it back)


Oct 19, 2012

Sober

45 Days Sober

"American Book of Dependency" (chapter: 9 verse: Mine)

Crack
Coke
Heroin
Morphine
Prozac
THC
Extascy
Caffeine
Tobacco
Sugar
Refined Floride H2O
Inebriated
Intoxicated
Dopamine Adrenaline Rush
Crush Impulsive Instincts & Chemical Intimacy
We Think We Free When We Free to Fulfill Consumption & Social Co-Dependency
American Daydreams of Attention Deficit Hyper-Active Obsessive Compulsive Disoreder
We Run and Order Another Prescription
Listen to the Music so We can Remote Mind Control Out of Reality
Direct Televison Skipping 400 Channels of Flickering Hypnotic Images
Mentally Masturbating Over Internet Connections Creating One on One Sexual Orgasm
Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans vs Chips Ohoy & Oreos
Xbox & PS3 vs Pepsi & Coke-a-Cola

So When was the Last Time You were Completely SOBER?

Oct 15, 2012

The Long Road Home

Passion unparalleled by anything in our universe
the heart of a gift/cursed conquering king who knew desire
knew Love
knew Determination
but he never knew Peace

never knew his God complex and sharp poetic Shakespeare quick tongue would cut his own throat
knew the taste of his own blood soaked, saturated and stained teeth
knew the speech that swept feet and pushed heads through clouds
knew how to inflate hearts to float miles beyond reality
knew love & knew better but still let his desire filled heart take lead

his passion unparalleled by anything in our universe 
the heart of a gift/cursed conquering king who knew the great faith that fought daily with common sense
he knew hyper-intellectual thought so a lust for wisdom was his second nature
his philosophy...psycho-analytically driven by family and co-dependency
his virtue challenged by material but dominated by his own toxic self-righteousness
his determination fueled his passion
desire dictating the directions of a love inebriated heart and often times frustrated flashing temper

his passion...

unparalleled by anything in our universe

his heart...
gifted & cursed
he is a conquering king motivated by a will that moved mountains
he knew most could not conceive the thoughts of an aging dictator that would rather burn the road to contentment and live his remaining existence trapped in struggle so that his death may be his only progressive goal accomplished
the soul of a gift/cured conquering king who would rather sacrifice than be given anything unearned
who strived to move forward because just moving on is worse than standing stagnant

a gifted & cursed conquering king that would rather stand in the same place as long as it was known he was standing for everything he he held supreme


Oct 14, 2012

I am the Definition of Co-Dependency"

"I am the definition of Co-Dependency
Desperate for Family
an example of the inability & lack of desire to survive with just me
I am a city boy that hates to be alone
craves human contact
and solitary confinement is the worse possible punish I can imagine
I'm a social butterfly with the motivation and heart of an army ant
I hunt in the pack of piranha and the school is my home 
I am God creating angels and humans cause even he didn't like being alone 
I'm George Washington crossing the Delaware with an army 
Jesus His Disciples, 
Moses in the Desert, 
MLK in Montgomery, 
Malcolm X in Harlem 
and a Million Man March doing my part so together we can find freedom 
because I've been realized that if there is no You then there can be no Me 
then there's No Family...No Unity 
so Yes, I am the definition of Co-Dependency 
Never ashamed to say I am created through God's reflection in my brother's image 
What ancestors and forefathers spoke of when the uttered the words, "It Takes a Village" 
The courage to stand with you, besides you and in front you ready to take that bullet 
so I'm proudly announcing that I would stand amonst the masses arm and arm, marching & moving forward with you 
I am Co-Dependency asking you to stand with me and write a legendary future history."


-Uncle Salaam...10-14-2012
I can not begin to explain to anyone reading this all the reasons why I wrote this piece. However, I do have a few, important thoughts I will expound on right now. The first being that I have had recent communication with my ex-girlfriend and flat out we have completely different philosophies on independence. My second feeling of motivation came from being raised in a big family (immediate and extended), a large inner-city Catholic church and growing up influenced by the culture of team sports (football, basketball, baseball & volleyball). I watched my parents help many others in our church and community. In turn not only was I exposed to these practices of family and philanthropy but had it instilled and drilled into my every molecule of being. Rather it is globally, family, in our work environment or neighborhoods, we all have to work, build and live together. We are all dependent on one another. No one has made significant progress without the help of another. No matter how much we would like to believe that we do things on our own, there is also someone we owe a thank you to when we accomplish a goal. Someone has usually sacrificed to give us the opportunity to achieve. Rather it was was an underpaid teacher or over-worked nurse, if it is the unseen woman or man that stood up against fascist and civil terrorism so that our generation would have the opportunity to pursue our dreams. Even the judges, lawyers, police and corrections officers that held the criminal opportunist at bay while we pursue and pursued our goals deserve some credit (because I could image it to be pretty difficult to conduct business or study for a college exam when there is a sociopathic guerrilla kicking in your door with a hunting knife or assault riffle). 

 Now I understand that through sheer stubbornness there will be those whom disagree with my philosophy. To all those individuals I offer you the opportunity of proving me wrong by moving to the middle of a desert or forrest and becoming a hermit. Rely on no one but yourself for food, clothing and lodging and then we can talk. Now I know what your thinking, and yes, it is possible but my stipulation for an argument is that you do it. 

To my rational and intelligently thinking and motivated truth seekers reading this blog that are still unconvinced that co-dependency is not only natural but needed in our society, I offer one last example for you. I think we can all agree that George Washington by example was beyond most all individual's definitions of great. Take our nation glorious general and place him at the Battle of Princeton in 1777 completely alone facing thousands of British soldiers and he will stomped to death by red coats until there is no body left to identify. Is there anyone that can seriously conceive the possible notion of a positive outcome for our illustrious first President, never. Let us also add Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. to this argument. Lets place him marching alone in Montgomery, Alabama surrounded by hundreds of violent racist bigots carrying stones, sticks and  bottles and we can also imagine that outcome to look exactly the same as the first. Now you take that same General Washington and that same Dr. King, surround them with hundreds of individuals who think as they do and feel like they do and the situations change drastically. Now tell me again how being co-dependent is unhealthy.

Aug 9, 2012

Death of a God

My Head, Heart & Soul have Imploded within
So what u see is a shell of a man
nothing but darkness behind my eyes

Jul 3, 2012

Contentment vs Accomplishment

Have you ever felt like you were broken? Had a completely overwhelming feeling that you were never going to be good enough to accomplish your truest and deepest desires in life? Rather it be marriage, family, children, job, your education, a relationship with a family member, a stronger relationship with your children or any goal you have in life. You just felt like you weren't built to conquer the one life goal. It especially hurts when you think you are good enough to do it but when you fail, you become overcome with the feeling of giving up. It's hard because the easier giving up is, I think the more dangerous it actually is for us as functional, responsible individuals. The easier we find ways at copping means that we will never focus on what is keeping us from being the greatest we can be and conquering our darkest demons.

We find contentment with the person we are today so that we do not have to face that reality that we need improvement to become the person we feel the desire to become tomorrow, always knowing we are worth so much more. The internal fire rages from time to time with passion and desire to achieve and we know that contentment will never satisfy us. We ultimately do whatever is necessary to not feel broken, even when we know it is not the right choice. We turn to destructive patterns of living, surrounding ourselves with people and engulfing ourselves in environments that will keep us from realizing our greatest levels of achievement. Most times we know it is destructive but if we don't face it and cope, we think everything will just be alright.


Everyone has a has a value level set for themselves. Unfortunately, it takes many levels of accomplishment to completely, truly and honestly know that we have succeeded. So we accomplish what we can and bust our arms patting ourselves on the back in the mean-while. I have done this action a million times over again. I know that I am not complete but it is easier to focus on my accomplishments than it is to face larger goals that feel impossible to fulfill. In the end, a trail will arise to remind me that I am not done with "ME" yet. Trust me, I know it sucks to feel great about life and all of a sudden have a situation remind you of that imperfection within that we have so well learned to ignore and forgive. The type of situation that no matter how far you run it is always there and it always reveals it's head in the most untimely fashions.

Recently I had an aggressive life changing experience that reminded just how broken I am. I am Emotionally Imbalance! I will become so angry that I would fight a lion, tiger, bear and anything else that stood in my way. I have always known and realized I had an over abundance of emotion but I have always found ways to excuse it. I would say, "That's just me, I am the way I am, it is who I was meant to be and I can't change it". Even more emphatically hysterical, I would practice my favorite quote of ease, cope and the ultimate cop out, "God made me this way for a reason, He has a plan for me". Honestly, I can not afford to believe this. I know that I am not Jesus but I refuse to be Judas, which means I will not accept that God's desire or the Universal will for me is to be destine for fulfilling a negative destiny.The truth is that there is a changeable flaw within me and I am trying work through it. I know I will never be happy in life settling for being lessor than the man I want or need to be. Any continuance of living through the actions of contentment will never make me happy. I am happy when I am succeeding and anything less is unacceptable. Working on being the person I truly want to be is a full-time job complete with ever larger than the last setbacks. I will always reach a level of comfort, convenience and confidence and begin to believe that I have conquered all. Unfortunately, the world does not work that way, so trails, tribulations and conflict arise to test my stability. Almost with the of Big Ben's inner clock-workings, I begin to fulfill  the prophecy of feeling failure so again I will flee.


The amazing difference in my most recent setbacks I have faced is that instead of anger management situations, they were the emotions of love that moved beyond my control. Now I have understood for the better part of 10 years now that my emotional instability was more than my lack of controlling my anger but actually not having a handle on any of my emotions in any direction. I  have always exploded when I felt strongly about anyone or anything. Rather I am In Love or I am Angry, I Go Hard. In the past I have built the tools necessary to control my anger and so in turn I would believe that I am healed or resolved of my "Incredible Hulk Conflict". This was because I would deny the reality that my emotions were completely out of control in every aspect. With every passing situation I gained more insight on my anger but never would not always examine the total emotional package.

I think the most difficult part of accepting I have a complete emotional problem is also accepting the fact that my pure potent passion have always been poured into my poetry, music, arts, philanthropy and my humanist disposition. I have a gift and a curse and balancing this gift and curse is the hardest test I have faced in life. Greater than any and all material accolades or societal achievement. I have to be the man that I have to be and no temporary cheap thrill will fulfill that.

Being honest with myself is admitting that I struggle most in my dating patterns. I have experienced relationships with women that I have felt strongly about (some more than others) and I have promised marriage to women that I loved rationally but knew I did not have that burning desire for. I would seek out relationships of convenience in order to better deal with my emotional dysfunction. It was easier for me to conceal, confine and/or deny myself an emotional connection than face the disappointment and fear of never fulfilling my goals, desires, dreams and achieving true self-satisfaction.

Recently, I had a relationship end with an awesome woman. I thought she could, should and would be my wife. Unfortunately the balance and my stability of emotional control were not there. I was going incredibly hard and I knew it but had no desire to stop. As the relationship ended, my emotions spiraled even further out of control and angry and madness took over. The one thing I learned is that the feelings I had for her let me know that settling is not an option or something I can ever do. None of the casual dating, philandering, random sexual encounters or rational long-term relationships will work for me. I acknowledge that I am broken but not beyond repair. I am facing what is broken about me, I will work through my short comings so that I may fulfill my purest desire.





Apr 28, 2012

Apr 26, 2012

Tupac Shakur & Nas vs. Lil Wayne & Drake (Hip-Hop is Dead)

In the summer of 2012 I will turn 39 years old and I have seen the rise and fall of Hip-Hop music. Now when I say the rise and fall of Hip-Hop music, I mean, I was there for the first national circulated albums. We started with Blonde's "Rapture" and Sugar Hill Gang's "Rappers Delight's". I experienced a revolution in music that has empowered a people and is now impoverishing an entire generation.

When I was in my final year of middle school, I remember my brothers being house party deejays and having that grand connection to all the music that a normal 13 year old would never have access to. I remember listening to Eric B. & Rakim, N.W.A., Run D.M.C. and of course, Public Enemy. Now if you let anyone else tell this story, they would have you believe that all artist in the late 80s were glorifying violence, sexism and gangsta mentalities but in truth, there was so much more.

Hip-Hop to many youth of my time was the only connection to the Black Power, Black Love and Power to the People movement of the 60s that existed. I would watch my white friends (growing up thirty minutes outside of L.A. in Covina, CA) recite the lyrics to a great many black conscious and powerful songs like Run D.M.C's "Proud to be Black" and N.W.A's "F*uck the Police". I use to watch them and think how weird this is that these rappers were screaming anti-white, anti-establishment and anti-authority lyrics and what I saw as the exact people they were talking to were the ones that were loving it.

It took me over a decade of wisdom to realize that the movement I had belly-flopped into full force was not just representing the voice of black people but the voice of an entire generation just as Janice Joplin, Hendricks, John Lennon and Marvin Gaye had done in the 60s. We sought out self-awareness and self-identification through the unity of music. Though these groups would battle with mainstream crossover acts for radio time, they were constantly present and relevant. There just as many if not more party rap and dance tracks but the fact that there was also a voice representing something different than personal gain was what made those times so different.

From 1988 to 1994 we saw the emergence of a many great hip-hop artist. No matter how self-promoting or self-indulged their music appeared, there was always an element of pushing some sort of greater community cause. We had gangsta rappers (Ice Cube, Kool G. Rap & Dr. Dre), we had party rappers (MC Hammer & Rob Base)and the dirty, x-rated rappers (Slick Rick & Too Short) but through it all they all included at the least a couple of tracks with a positive message on each album.

I look at mainstream rap music today and like many other veterans of the art, I can not begin to call it hip-hop. It is as different to me as sitcoms are from reality shows. I listen to complete albums by rap artist today, though only the most successful like Drake, Nicki Minaj & Lil Wayne (to name a few) actually get more than a single deal and they all sound like monotonous monologues of materialism and misogyny. Don't get me wrong, there has always been this problem in hip-hop before but never to this extent.

The biggest difference between the first decade of hip-hop & this last decade of hip-hop is that there is zero balance. Before you had an equal opportunity to chose what you wanted to hear. You had party songs, love songs, pro-black songs and hardcore x-rated songs. The odd part was that some of these artist figured out how to put these four different elements in the same song. There were no artist ever telling you to not have fun and be broke, they just wasn't such a degradation for those that were.

When you listen to today's rap artist. I feel like my modest life has added up to nothing because they do not just tell you how fabulous their life is, they do everything they can to remind you that if you do not live like them then "You Ain't Sh*t!" (to put it bluntly). The constant message I receive is that it is me against the world. Rappers today even hate their fans.

I understand that rappers have always projected a braggadocios and audacious superiority but it seemed to somehow to incorporate its followers over belittle them. I could not begin to enjoy when today's rap artist tells me that because I do not own a $100k car or $10 million home that I am not worthy of existing.

In closing, my only wish is to hear more Outkast, Cypress Hill and Tupac artist emerging on the mainstream music scene so that the younger generation does not fall victim to the "Hybrid Society" which wishes to end human life as we know it.

Apr 3, 2012

Implosive Miracle of Seduction


Her seductive spirit filled lips spilled whispers of desire while I stood still showing all 32 teeth

speechless and vulnerable, I journey...
I am a Soul Traveler, Unique! but why has she chosen me?

I am not wealthy... nor am I worthy of her greatness
but I, desire her unbridled attraction parallel to bright satellites
I define her presence in cosmic physics because no earth stricken movement would ever hold justice


with a Big Bang she spoke no words but her eyes held the intellectual monologue of Medusa
Hips of Venus, We traveled inner-space with no suits,
naked & unashamed she captivated my will

I heard her soul speak to me every time she grinned
so I could only smile,
(the only way I knew how to bring joy to her door)

Overrun with reckless abandon tightly clinching pure intention I entrenched deep within her pleasures
rising above mankind's limits reaching forever extending tipping points

My future family pioneer sparked my heart to revolution...
we evolved to levels of unexplored place...
She knew I desired trust suitable for a nation
so her perfection told no lies


Sparking powder kegs & Imploding fears inside I witness newborn confidence of kings...
the arrogance of a top gun pilot...
the celebration of a scientist staring down the barrow of an intergalactic kaleidoscope captivated by a colorful collage cloaked in the collected hopes of so many...
I have touched my holy grail
My Venus
My Medusa
My Mothership named Desire's Messiah


Mar 9, 2012

What I have Learned about Mormons

Many of these videos are the recently old documentation of the Latter Day Saints aka LDS aka the mormon church but they are still frightening. I usually do not go "On Record" bringing down the craziness in anyone's religion but I just had to expose some of this outrageousness in a time when we are considering a Mormon for President.

Governor Mitt Romney was 31 years old when the Church of LDS finally decided to let Black men hold priesthood in their doctrine.

I will let the videos tell the stories of their beliefs.


Donny & Marie
Donny back peddling & Marie setting the Women's Movement backwards.




In 2005, the Intelligence Report published the following statements made by Warren Jeffs, President of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints: 1. "The black race is the people through which the devil has always been able to bring evil unto the earth."




Joseph Smith first president, prophet, and founder of the Mormon Church

Had I anything to do with the negro, I would confine them by strict law to their own species, and put them on a national equalization" (Joseph Fielding Smith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 270; History of the Church, 5: 218; emphasis added). "Thursday, 8--Held Mayor's court and tried two negroes for attempting to marry two white women: fined one $25, and the other $5" (ibid., 6: 210). and the rebellious niggers in the slave states. . . " (Millennial Star, 22:602; emphasis added).

When Mormon Historians reprinted this in the History of the Church, they change it to read: "and the rebellious negroes in the slave states. . . " (History of the Church, 6:158; emphasis added).




The other side of the coin
I Forgive but I Never Forget
(especially when you don't allow me too)



OK, I understand that most western philosophy and religions started with a deep seeded anti-woman & anti-African-American racism. The biggest difference I see is that the LDS Church was Founded on Racism.

Their doctrine has not changed & these viewpoints that have been shared are currently found in the Book of Mormon

Feb 28, 2012

Brand New Hot Sh!t

Award Winning and Warped Tour Battle Winner, Seefor Yourself and his band Sudent Body Presidents are ready to release his debut EP "Greatest Show on Earth"! This SoCal artist is a blend of Busta Rhymes, Outkast and The Black Keys! The music is beautiful, the stories are intense and the live show is killer!

The release of this upcoming album will reveal Seefor’s unique mix as a hip hop stylist, rock singer, rap icon and pop producer which all culminate into an unforgettable and commanding master performance. The unreleased album is already making waves as unmixed versions of the songs from the album have been played on VH1’s “For The Love Of Ray- J” and TBS’s “Lopez Tonight” show AND WERE PERFORMED IN THE WHITE HOUSE FOR OUR 1ST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA! The release of this staggering musical vision will propel Seefor Yourself to global preeminence as a true artist and social prophet. It is only a matter of time….

Check Out his Latest Video: Bombs Over Baghdad 2012



Feb 20, 2012

& now a few words from Gandhi

Speak the Truth Even when the Truth is Inconvenient...

















You can Never Stop Reality from being Real!!!



Never Let Your Emotions Get the Best of You

}}}---> The Valentine's Day Massacre After-Party <---{{{

lock
cocked
& ready to rock
popped 2 shots through the heart & stop blood flow
she hate me but don't know
every time she tell me...she loves me...it ain't me
& lately...I don't even know me
so now I sit lonely...surrounded with a wall of foolish pride
I hide behind true lies like a bad actor in an independent college film
my collaborating will...still hold tight to thoughts of holding you
I'm holding through the thick with no thin
caught by wicked wind...blew through the cavity the heart use to reside in
blown out by an assassin lying behind eyes of passion
I'm asking what happened to the smiles & laughing
now frowns & gnashing teeth incarcerate a tongue to no longer speak

Silence! slice the night chill with heavy breath
this is the death of a salesman
heart spilling desire cross concrete & asphalt
"Its Your Fault!!!"
pointed fingers implicated dying body
revenge is sweet but all I taste is the bitter backside my own lies
blown back in my own face

Taste! sweet revenge served cold
dark hole blowing heavy heat
cavity in my chest gargle speech

Please! don't leave me lying in lies on grief street...





Feb 14, 2012

*~*~* Happy Valentine's Day *~*~*

My Favorite Song





So I am sure that rather your reading this today (02/14/2012) or your skipping back through my catalog, hopefully you realize that today's Valentine's Day. I normally don't celebrate Holidays but I just had to share this song with the whole world. Erykah Badu is one of My Top 3 Favorite Artist (my top female artist hands down, guaranteed).






Happy Valentine's Day