~+~ Not Just Another Doctor Visit ~+~

This morning I had a doctor's appointment and got wonderful news. I found out that my past 3 month average blood sugar reading was tremendously lower. He also informed me that my blood pressure and renal failure (kidneys) were doing a significant amount better. This blew my socks completely off.

It is amazing to receive such great news after the last several visits I have had with the doctor since July 1st (see post: "Morality in the Making"). Today, every conversation my doctor had with me was began with a magnificent smile and met with even more marvel and celebration on my part.

While speaking with the doctor, I instantly thought of everyday over the last 3 to 6 months that I have held back and pushed forward with my bland diet. Everyday I decided to respect that diet, get off my fat behind and workout. Not just all the times I had to pass on all my favorite snack and sugary goodies (I really miss the ice cream, chocolate sandwich cookies and cupcakes), but the menu really sucks when you have to cut out all the carbs, sodium, potassium, starch and sugar. Now I have not been perfect, I love eating but I had to show restraint.

Interesting enough, many would ask me about my food choices. I mostly still ate in public like there was nothing wrong. Seriously, could anyone imagine me only eating boiled, skinless, boneless, under-seasoned chicken breast every single day. The changes I made were drastic but they were not always consistent or constant. I have just been determined to make my diet better. A few less double cheeseburgers or grande nachos and more grill chicken salads & flat bread veggie wraps.

My journey of better health and a longer life has in no way ended. Although, it is awesome to know that my dedication to making my situation better has seen positive signs. I can not do it all in one day but with the help of my great spirit to succeed... I Will Stay Determined To Make My Life Different!

I Love You All & Thanks for Reading

My Family

Eco-Mania Wrapped in the Pathology of Obsession

I have been called a navel-gazing, self-absorbed, arrogant intellectual elitist. I have also been referred to as a self-involved egomaniac and a self-preoccupied, pathological cult leader determined to always prove I'm right. Some have said I am a socialist with a self-centered capitalist agenda and others like to say I am a narcissist trapped in a fat body suit. To all of these sweeping indictments I can only respond with the proclamation of; "Yes, I Am!!!"

I have lived an exciting and event-filled life which has shown me a great many things. I've experienced lessons which have been immediately imperative and others that have taken 10/20 years to reveal their ultimate greatness. I've had teachers, gurus, leaders, preachers and peers that have played influential roles in shaping the man you see today. I've also conceived and manifested a million original thoughts (some sparked by what I have seen or heard and others which appear to be purely self motivated from situations which are unique to only me).

I have never taken an IQ test, however I know that my ability to create poetic concepts and my advanced problem solving skills make me more than a simple Philistine.

I am a man that loves people and I stay dedicated to helping those who cannot help themselves. I have a huge bleeding heart for today's young people. I constantly find myself contemplating how the youth of today are journeying in a first-class seat aboard a societal ship of dysfunction being capsized by a super storm of hedonism known as the Internet and televisions with over 400 channels.

I think of what we have seen when we were children. We had constant inter-action with neighborhood peers, parents teachers and coaches. There was constant team activities and recreation where we learned how to "get-a-long" and get the job done as a group.

I became an adult and continued to grow in the attributes of community. I see many peers from my childhood or just the same age as myself who have seemed to abandon these same characteristic properties. We as a society have become so self-preoccupied with constant meta-physical orgasmic fulfillment that our children only know this to be the first and foremost goal of life.

Ponder this hypothetical for a moment...

If your on body there was a small button which produced a quick & immediate, 10 second, organically euphoric intoxication, a total mental state of ecstasy, elation, exhilaration, rapture and rhapsody, how often would you push it? Seriously, imagine a small button located on your forward-outer thigh. It could be perfectly placed at arms length and so you could secretly manipulate it while simply having your hands in tyour pockets. No one would know, there would be no revealing or identifying expressions in your body language or face. You could have a 10 second Orgasm and No One would be the wiser. How often would you push it?

Now imagine your children who completely lack discipline and how many times in a day do you think they would be on top of this button. How many times a hour do you think they would push this button to the point of needing a new button or hard wire replacement? If you don't think it would be a dramatic incline from how an adult might choose to abuse this button, then think about this for a moment. Drug use in intermediate schools are higher today than 20 years ago [1]. Single parent homes and pregnancy outside of marriage rates rise everyday [2] & [3]. America's education levels are drastically falling every year [4]. We are a country and society that are Morally, Artistically and Mentally Bankrupt. Now if it could be made easier for our children to disconnect momentarily from reality, how often do you think they would take advantage of it?

The aforementioned can only be explained as; Hedonism: *the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life... also described as a school of thought which argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good.

Today our youth have role-models that are gaining immense capital from teaching all the wrong values (i.e., The Kardashians, Lil Wayne, Tosh 2.0, etc...). The worst part is that even if it is our very own children in our homes are not partaking in these forms on mind controlled entertainment, their friends, peers and schoolmates are. We must stay vigilant in finding ways to combat the ills and balance the scales that mass media inflicts hourly. I am not saying that we have to ban the Internet or satellite television but find ways of rewarding today's youth for picking up a book other than Twilight or Us Magazine.

"I want to be loved for who I am, not what I can provide"

“I want a woman who wants me, not one who needs me. I want her to love me for me. I can tell [when] a woman is just interested in the externals, which in my book are the equivalent of being in love for money, appearances, or out of desperation. I’ve dated women who were more into those three [things] than into [who I am as a person]. I don’t want to be looked at like I’m a bank, a daddy on demand, or a means to an end of any kind.” The takeaway lesson here is that men are looking for an authentic connection and really notice its absence.

“I’d rather have a real woman who is into me than some idealized version… who wants me to be Ken to her Barbie.”

More Holiday Generosity

I would like to personally thank all those who gave whatever they could afford to those less fortunate this holiday season. Rather your girt was money, a small unwrapped toy/present, and especially those who gave their time. If you feel that you like you might have missed your opportunity or maybe you just forgot, I would like to remind you that the season is not over and many can use your help right now.

There are countless teen children in our foster system did did not receive a gift this year. Many only desire simple things such as brushes, hair ties, under garments, deodorant, body sprays and lotions.

I am sure if these items found there way to your local church (of any denomination) or local non-profit group home, that our precious teens would not hold it against you that they came a little late. I know a few of you got target & Walmart Gift Cards. Share $9

Lets Give Together

Brothers & Sisters

*~*~*~* Where Did You Shop Today? *~*~*~*

It is Saturday December 24th - Christmas Eve. I had to pick up a couple of items from the grocery store. Of course, all I could think of was how chaotic this mission would prove to be. To my surprise, things turns out a little different than you might imagine.

My mother told me that there was a sale on eggs and cheese (2 of the 3 items on my necessity list) at a store that was tad bit further than my usually one. The store was Von's. I do not like Von's at all but to be honest, fortunately it turned out to be a great trip. I noticed something about Von's customers. They are Pretentious beyond all reproach. This very sad notion actually played to my favor. The Von's Club Card carrying members do not like holidays. They were not shopping for in town guest. They were not planning for pie preparation or slow cooking a roast. They were buying expensive and beautiful bottle of wine, champagne and Martinelli's Apple Cider.


It was amazing but I realized something, I Do Not Like Von's People. I've dated a few women recently that I rather liked but we argued constantly over their shopping at Von's. I think Von's grocery store is a waste of money. I do appreciate the customer service but not to the point of paying 25/30% more for the same exact groceries I can pick-up at Stater Bro's.

"...I Do Not Like Von's People... I do appreciate the customer service but not to the point of paying 25/30% more for the same exact groceries I can pick-up at Stater Bro's..."

What I realized from today's visit is that for whatever reason I may have discontinued these recent relationships with Von's shoppers, I think truly they were pretentious or self-serving. Our fundamental differences seemed more evident and apparent once I was standing in the checkout line. I was able to witness the the items that were waiting to be purchased by those before and behind me in line. No one was planning on preparing a dinner. I was surrounded by people that do not like other people. I was realizing that someone who felt comfortable in this store on the regular basis was not going to be the person I could ever have a serious and meaning relationship with.

I apologize if I have offended you with this post but actually I am in No Way Sorry for It.

Try shopping 2 or 3 times a month at an less expensive grocery store and donating that extra money to a family less fortunate...

Like Mine (lol).

"I am a Person Who is Hurting; Out to Hurt Other People"

Good Day Readers, Followers & my 1st timers. Today's topic is something that I always seem to have a challenge with writing about because it is very close to me. I decided to finally make an attempt to actually post something because I woke-up thinking about my future life direction that I make decisions on at every moment. You see, I choose to Love people that are Hurt and some how it always ends up causing a trail of dysfunctional relationships.

It is my supreme theory that "Hurting People: Hurt People."

Everyday I think to myself how can I help someone in need. I look for opportunities to be a better Christian, better Humanitarian & a better Person (period). A few years ago I found myself surrounded by arrogant and self-serving, egotist. Empty relationships all of a superficial nature that gave me a great chemical imbalance of high joys and low pains. Today I noticed that I am now surrounded by mostly Hurting People looking for someone to love them but having an inability to love themselves. I am in now way saying that everyone who exist in my personal circles are hurting but there is a large majority of those who are. Many of them do not have any clue to why or that they are even suffering in any way. I am also one of these individual who suffers from deep seeded, unforgettable & unforgivable pains and a destructive mentally.

I came of age in a time when hip-hop male sexual grander & violence was beginning to show its irreversible effects on young urban pre-teens and teen. I lived in a household complete with my mother, father, 4 older brothers and 1 older sister (all separated at least 6 years in age from me). This was very formative to the person I became in my adult life.



My household was a sports center combat zone, highly competitive. Football, basketball, volleyball, track, baseball and of course pretty of music was our daily themes. Music, church and football were the corner stones of extracurricular activities in my home. I walked in the foot steps of social/athletic giants.

Now I loved my upbringing, I still do appreciate it tremendously, it created a great, loving man and I would not change it for a million dollars. although, it has served for a dysfunctional and immoral foundation to why I am the person that I am today. When you have such a large exhibition of testosterone in your home environment, one tends to believe that this is the only way to live or the only correct way to conduct yourself in society. I believed that people would only love me if I was the biggest and baddest stud in the circle. I desired men to admire me and women to love me because I am the "Stud All-Star."

Today, I rely on my Intellectual Prowess and Spiritual Foundation to be the shining examples of my Greatness.
I see myself as a better person of course for being able to make a fundamental path change to a more positive thought process like I have completed but I also realize that I have not arrived at my final destination. I also must realize that everything is not a competition and that I do not have to be the best person in the world but be the best person that I can be for me.

The question is now... "Who Am I?"

I am still choosing to be apart of the Hurting People that are continuous Hurting People? Do I have the ability to see whom I may hurt and change that direction of that relationship before I cause another person pain? What is it that I can do to help myself see those destructive patterns before it is too late?



Honestly, I am not sure what all you're going to take away from these twenty or so sentences that I scribbled today but I hope that at least one thing is too look inside of yourself and try to identify your hurt/pain. Then create an avenue that leads you dealing with it and overcoming it. We all deserve better and we should all always try for it.

"I must enjoy the Journey just as much as the Destination"

"How Patriarchy Damages Women and Girls"

I would like to thank Karlie Hustle for her contribution to humanity. I appreciate anytime I can find such an astounding, mouth dropping essay posted on Facebook and obviously had to re-post here in my blog. I hope it touches you and provokes thought and understanding the same way it did for me today. Thanks Karlie Hustle

"How Patriarchy Damages Women and Girls"

by Karlie Hustle

What is patriarchy?

Patriarchy is the social system which places men as authority figures over women and children. The notion that "the man is the head of the house" sets up a hierarchy whereby one member of a family is considered superior to the others.

Institutionalized entitlement on behalf of men combined with fear on behalf of women is what sets the patriarchy ship to sail. Unfortunately, without equality, no household (and no nation, for that matter) can flourish in a healthy manner.

The United States is a country systematically run by way of patriarchal norms. Little girls are socialized from infancy that being married and having babies is what "good women" do. "Find yourself a man" is the task we are given almost immediately. The construct that we are nothing without a man is so ingrained into our psychology that we will often compromise ourselves and the lives of our children just to hang on to one.

I walk down these Brooklyn streets and see female toddlers, barely able to walk themselves, pushing dolls in strollers. We are sending these children the wrong message. At three years old, isn't it a bit perverse to insinuate that baby girls have nothing other to prepare for than eventual motherhood?

Naively, we all seem so boggled as to why teen pregnancy is such an issue. Aside from the lack of education on how to protect oneself from unwanted pregnancy and STIs, the idea of getting knocked up is somewhat attractive to young girls. And why wouldn't it be? Moms and dads, can you really be mad when your 14-year-old daughter announces her pregnancy after encouraging her to be a caretaker for doll babies her entire childhood?

The first step is owning up to our own neurosis. The sickening mind games we play with ourselves and then pile on top of our young girls are centuries in the making, but at some point we must step back and look at the damage we are causing to future generations.

To insist that having a man and being a mother are the only two truly acceptable options for women and girls is as unfair as it is damaging. To infuse young female minds with the idea that they are nothing without the validation from a male counterpart is to continue a very damaging cycle. This hamster wheel includes (but is not limited to) domestic violence, child abuse, teen pregnancy and the spread of STIs and STDs.

Patriarchy silences women and children. Until the girls are safe, none of us are safe.

We have got to do a better job of giving women options beyond the hetero-normative, patriarchal mainstays. We are losing our girls left and right, both in mind and in physical body.

I have nothing against marriage nor motherhood. At 34-years-old, I still haven't deemed myself ready for either, but that doesn't mean I won't do both at some point. I am not here to be subversive to the idea of families and children. All I'm asking is for us to consider giving our girls a shot at other identities.

I implore you--if your daughter insists on pushing something on wheels down the street--get her a little cart of books instead.

Not Sure

Why

do

Our

Teachers

in

America

get

Zero

Respect?

Better Question...

How is it that I always hear parents saying things like, "We are doing everything we can to help little John or Suzie" or "I am not sure what is left that I can do to help lil John or Suzie." Honestly, I do not understand this mindstate and truly can not believe that someone can be doing all they can when they have yet to explore every option.

I just want to say that if you are to ever be the best parents ever, then you must truly do everything you can to be the best parent ever.

"Nature & Nurture: Let Us Create Our Children in Our Image"

I have spent countless hours with "At-Risk" and Juvenile Delinquent teenagers and preteens, and the one thing they all seem to have in common is that there is a parent (and in some cases both parents) who suffer from the same emotionally crippling disabilities as they do. Stubbornness, Disrespect, Anger and Addiction in our youth comes from Nature and Nurture. We pass these traits along to them at birth and foster them along as are children grow into young adult stage in our households.


When we make decisions based on our emotions we're doing the same exact thing we ask our children not to do. We must first identify our problems and one of our most greatest problems we as adults/parents face is that we don't see how making emotionally based decisions are so bad. We have to work through this important issue before we can help them with theirs. We must correct our dysfunction before we can help them with theirs.

I see many of our youth standing as warriors today. They wish to conquer the world just as we did. They also wish to have fun just as we did. Their difference is that we knew we wanted to be the greatest and had great potential that many us cultivated constantly. Today "Social Networking" has replaced "Social Action" and it is destroying are youth.


Everyday I find myself explaining to parents how it is more important to our youth to be Famous today than any other time in history. Through technology our youth are fostering a false sense of identity. A false sense of self love and self respect. Being cool for them is how many pokes, likes and post/comments they get in a day. Now couple that with an inherent desire to rebel against authority, to cheat, to self medicate and even worse, to step on and degrade someone next to them so that they may appear bigger.

America has always eaten her young but now she is regurgitating the half dead, undigested zombie minds back out to replace the next generation of American leaders.

We are America & We have Grown Sick!!!

Saturday Night Live on My Desert Island aka Up The Hill

There are not many things that I can think of that are worse than being in an argument with someone u care about at 1am, them falling asleep and your wide awake with all your thoughts because you took a nap at 7:30pm.

Unfortunately this is where I am finding myself right now. It is not the worse possible thing that could be happening to me in life. I mean I could be dealing with the lost of a loved one or my house could be on fire (although I am not a home owner and currently living under my parents roof at 38 years of age....Damn). I think I have made my point of things that could be much worse though, so let us move forward.

My biggest problem right now is that I have not learned how to redirect my negative thoughts into a positive direction all the time without flaw. I can perform this task numerous times throughout an average day so that I do not get trapped into trying to stop the inevitable from becoming real. In other words, "If you think it, then it shall be be real." This is a simple quote that I believe and hold whole-heartedly too. It is Universal Law, I guess, you could say. How about this, we'll just call it "Faith Manifested" and I have no desire to think anything that I do not want to become real.


So I have been experiencing every type of warfare lately. I have fought with myself spiritually, emotionally, rationally & physically. Most of these wars are fought on the battleground over nicotine and my desires to smoke a cigarette. Addiction is cruel and I am in combat with a cruel enemy.

Okay, back to my Faith Manifested. The last month plus (July & August) has been particularly difficult for me. I have had a birthday, found myself in the ER and completely lost my financial and physical independence. I am currently residing with my parents in Victorville, CA aka the High Desert aka "Up the Hill." It is not the greatest situation but at least I have a roof over my head.

One of the many great battles I must endure by being up the hill is not being close to my friends. It is not easy being less than a hour away from the city but feeling like you might as well be in a different country. It almost feels like I have been abandoned or banished to an desert island, where the humanoid occupants have only half their adult teeth & use grunting sounds for speech. An Island where the inhabitants constantly question my desire to willfully make a residence here. I can only look them in their wide, red desert eyes and say... "I have No Idea Why any of Us, do what we Do."

Hopefully within the next 45 days I can conclude this excursion and make my way back to L.A. County. Maybe the city of Pomona shall be my next stop or at least Upland, Rancho Cucamonga or Fontana which are also always nice choices. As for this weekend I shall sit with this computer and keyboard, focus on Facebook and dream with reckless abandon.

God's Will vs. Salaam's Will

It is the Wednesday before Father's Day & of course that time of the year that a brother really starts feeling down...

Unfortunately, this Father's Day is becoming even more & more difficult to deal with do to several relationship changes I have faced in the last 3 months. The ending of a 15 month relationship with my ex-girlfriend, Julie & her 4 children is hard. When u begin to compound that with the absence of Jade & Ayden from my life does not make it any easier. And finally you add in my most recent relationship defeat between Patricia & I with-in the last 72 hours you have a mix that is hyper explosive...

Now, I always try to think optimistically about the future but today it is becoming increasingly more difficult to look towards brighter tomorrows. I am not young anymore & have come to the realization that I will never have a child that is biologically mine, which means that I will never have the rights that so many fathers ignore. I will never look into the eyes of my son or daughter on their 1st day of school or on their wedding day. I will never become over run with joy on their birthday in the hospital & I will never experience knowing that my father's name will live on. I will never see these things.

I am not sure what the plan is that God has for me but I do know what it is I desire for myself and it is not to just be a bump in the road of everyone else's family journey & success. Every year at this time I begin to feel more and more like Job and Lot from the Old Testament Bible. I feel as if God is making an example of me or testing me by destroying everything around me. Every relationship I have fails for one reason or another and in the wake of these great devastating demoralizing defeats are children that I have become attached to when their father's are nowhere to be found. Every year another Father's Day rolls around and I am forced to remember what I will never have. I remember the 1st one, the Father's Day I had to deal with great loss.. A birthday that would have fallen about the same time as Ayden's in October/November that will never be. She/He would have been 12 years old right now if my baby was not aborted on my birthday, July 9, 1998...

I ask God to return to me a positive outlook on what Father's Day can be. I think of Him and my father, who is a great man although he is not always perfect. My father fell in love with my mother after returning from Vietnam and took on the responsibility of raising 4 children that were not biologically his & then creating another son after marriage which is me. We do not discuss this in my family for many reasons.

I Love My Father and Admire the Sacrifices that he continuously made and makes to this day. I think many forget what he has had to persevere over the last 40/45 years. We are quick to remember the bad decisions he has made with finances and maybe frown when he is not as willing to leap from his easy-chair and accompany us to a movie or basketball game. I however, do remember every day I have disappointed him. I remember the day he told me that I may not legally change my name to Salaam when I was 21 years ld because I am the only way his name will leave on in purity as I am his only biological son. I feel I disappoint him everyday, whether he himself still feels that way or not. I do remember every headache I have had to cause him when I had to seek his help in repairing the disasters my over-active mind conceived throughout my 37 years of living.

I know God has a plan for me, the same way he had a plan for my father. My only concern is that he delivers or reveals a positive part of it to me before I am to weak to continue on to the day that it will be fulfilled.

Happy Father's Day to All the Real Dads & Step-Dads Out There Busting Their Humps for Their Children & remember to let God's Will Be Done...


also read: http://unclesalaam.blogspot.com/2009/06/my-fathers-day.html

Missing My World

Have you ever missed a flight or missed your bus. I am feeling like that everyday lately. In 2005 I had the privilege of becoming part of the lives of two of the most wonderful spirits... Jade & Adyen.
They are the children of my ex-girlfriend in southern Cali and what I consider my children as well. Since being in Oregon over the last year, I have felt our relationship slipping and dimming. I was able to spend a week with them over the Christmas break but of course that was nowhere near enough to hold me over til summer.
I promised them when I left that I would come back and visit at minimum once every other month (if not once a month). Things drastically changed once I settled in up here in the great Northwest. As everyone knows the Economic climate turned disastrous. Air and rail travel sky-rocketed and household financial cut-backs became a mandatory monthly adjustment.
There has even been a noticeable fall-off in telephone communication. we would speak to each other at least 4 times a week and that has now dropped to once every 2 weeks if I am lucky.
Now that I have come this far in my blog, I am not even sure why I started it. I do know that I want to urge every parent or guardian to appreciate every moment they get to spend with their children.
Every Smile and Every Tear.
Every time they fell to do what you ask of them from eating all their vegetables to cleaning their room
Every Achievement from Grades to the simple things as your sons remembering to hold the door open for their mother.
You are Your Children's Biggest Influence in Life... Make The Best Impressions...