Mortality in the Making

On Thursday at 11:59pm I was headed into my Friday morning facing my mortality. Riding passenger in a friend's Chevy Trail Blazer struggling to keep my composure while my chest felt as if my heart was going to stop functioning in the next second. That was not what I had an issue with, but what was the cause and what was going to be the final result of this dilemma was all I could think about.

Now honestly speaking, I've seen times where immediate life threatening danger was baring down upon me. The difference in this situation was the amount of time I had to sit and think and there was also the fact I could not do anything about it. I could not fight, hide or call anyone for any assisitance. The feelings and thoughts that were streaming around my head with the speed of light, were bright but had no shine. Thoughts of Jade and Ayden, my parents, friends, family and my words...

I thought of every thought that I had most recently had but hadn't a chance to express. I saw so many dreams and fantasies that could never become reality if tonight was going to be my last. I became the 1st hand witness to my immortality being in question.

I have always believed that I would breath forever. That I would be everywhere and do everything. That my children's children would speak of me as they seen me in person. That my family would reminisce of my wedding with the fondness of watching Micheal Jackson perform Billie Jean on Motown 25 where he 1st rocked the "Moonwalk" and adorned the infamous sequenced glove. My life will not be forever and I was seeing this for the 1st time.

It is now 4 days later. America had celebrated it's 235th birthday and I will celebrate my 38th on Saturday, July 9th. I want to do so many things but I know that I will not be accompanied by who I truly desire. I will not have my wife with me because she does not exist. I will not have my children with me because... I do not even know why...

I will not see another Birthday like this tho...


Today is the Tomorrow that I have been Promising to do Better...