Uncle Salaam's "Bizarre Ride Through My Bright Black Mind"

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Uncle Salaam's: "Bizarre Ride Through My Bright Black Mind"

Today is Tuesday, August 23, 2011, I am in Hemet, CA.

I have been working on an in-depth & honest resume since 7:30am and it is after 11:30am and I have a long way to go. Needless to say, this is extremely boring, which is the obvious reason for my break.

I have shared quite a few text messages with a many different people this morning (65% of them women). Through the course of my electronic transmissions with these various sisters, I have found out a few things about myself and my future. I have a hard time trusting women today. I am still the "Hopeless Romantic" from previous post omissions but today I realize that I'm not as Happy to be such. It is like today I realized something new and very dramatic.

Today I realized that I am a "Hapless Romantic"

I saw my desires for what they are. I noticed that I dream so hard of "Love" and "Being In Love" that I do not take the time to respect, develop nor work on Love the way I should. I am such a fan of written words that I ignore speech and actions most times. Tell me u Love Me in a text message and I forget that how irritated I may have been the previous hour. Tell me that I mean more to you than anything and I will forget that your running a hour late for dinner. Tell me that I am the Greatest and I might let you join me in a Vertical Joyride...(lol)

Seriously speaking, I am just saying that I know I must decrease my falling speed. To be honest, I think my problem is not that I keep falling so quickly but more jumping over the edge with no bungee-cord. I need to walk into Love. I need to enjoy the Journey as well as the Destination.

"this time tho (keepin it real)

I'm staying on point like Bobby Flay in a BBQ Throwdown

& I'm Guarding My Grill"

Okay Wonderful People, I need to conclude this trip and continue with my resume writing. Try to have an Awesome Day without any further Interruptions from My Bright Black Mind.

I...C...U

Eye Ran the World
& Realized that Day Dreams aren't for Kings or Queens...

so Eye...

Killed the Thoughts a of Young Prince,

Eye...

Neglected My Physical & Emotion,

Eye...

Cleansed My Eye upon the Sight of a Phenomenal Feminine Pharaoh,
Marched to the Top of the Gaza Pyramid,
Spread My Soul,

& Re-Birthed Myself Morally New for You

Come Kiss My Lips & Make My Blood Boil

the taste of Cranberry & Chocolate Chips caress my lips when I wish for kisses frm the sweetest victory after an argument beyond winning

in the beginning we shared over cooked creative disasters
& still smiled because the presence of an earth maiden, archer firing flaming arrows was a present that blessed me with a bulls-eye every time

& my gift
it was ur lips when the sunset & the moon called like hip-hop MCs in the 80s

Yes
Yes
Ya'll
to the beat ya'll

we are...
on one rhythm
one sound & one accord
with one heart beating I can't ignore that way my music skips when ur sweet kiss is flavored with cranberries, white chocolate chips & macadamia nuts

touch me
as I clutch u
Come Kiss My Lips & Make My Blood Boil

Saturday Night Live on My Desert Island aka Up The Hill

There are not many things that I can think of that are worse than being in an argument with someone u care about at 1am, them falling asleep and your wide awake with all your thoughts because you took a nap at 7:30pm.

Unfortunately this is where I am finding myself right now. It is not the worse possible thing that could be happening to me in life. I mean I could be dealing with the lost of a loved one or my house could be on fire (although I am not a home owner and currently living under my parents roof at 38 years of age....Damn). I think I have made my point of things that could be much worse though, so let us move forward.

My biggest problem right now is that I have not learned how to redirect my negative thoughts into a positive direction all the time without flaw. I can perform this task numerous times throughout an average day so that I do not get trapped into trying to stop the inevitable from becoming real. In other words, "If you think it, then it shall be be real." This is a simple quote that I believe and hold whole-heartedly too. It is Universal Law, I guess, you could say. How about this, we'll just call it "Faith Manifested" and I have no desire to think anything that I do not want to become real.


So I have been experiencing every type of warfare lately. I have fought with myself spiritually, emotionally, rationally & physically. Most of these wars are fought on the battleground over nicotine and my desires to smoke a cigarette. Addiction is cruel and I am in combat with a cruel enemy.

Okay, back to my Faith Manifested. The last month plus (July & August) has been particularly difficult for me. I have had a birthday, found myself in the ER and completely lost my financial and physical independence. I am currently residing with my parents in Victorville, CA aka the High Desert aka "Up the Hill." It is not the greatest situation but at least I have a roof over my head.

One of the many great battles I must endure by being up the hill is not being close to my friends. It is not easy being less than a hour away from the city but feeling like you might as well be in a different country. It almost feels like I have been abandoned or banished to an desert island, where the humanoid occupants have only half their adult teeth & use grunting sounds for speech. An Island where the inhabitants constantly question my desire to willfully make a residence here. I can only look them in their wide, red desert eyes and say... "I have No Idea Why any of Us, do what we Do."

Hopefully within the next 45 days I can conclude this excursion and make my way back to L.A. County. Maybe the city of Pomona shall be my next stop or at least Upland, Rancho Cucamonga or Fontana which are also always nice choices. As for this weekend I shall sit with this computer and keyboard, focus on Facebook and dream with reckless abandon.

Victorville is Not Bringing It

On the 1st of this month I moved to the High Desert (Victorville, CA) and it has been Hell...

That move was made on Monday and today is Friday, which means I have been here for 5 days but one of which I spent back down the hill in Rancho. I am struggling to keep my sanity in an area that has zero cultural diversity and lacks any type of entertainment. The fact that I am making a real effort to stop smoking is not helping and also lacking steady employment has not made my time up here any easier.

I try to see the brighter side of life such as on August 16th I will be taking a test for a Social Services Eligibility Worker for the County of San Bernardino. This is about the only positive thing I have going in my life right now. My big problem is that I keep having this "Murphy's Law"thoughts that some how that one positive is going to go down the drain. Some how what can go wrong, inevitably will.

It is very much a feeling of incarceration being in this house everyday. Someone is always telling me what i can and cannot do. I have designated meal and shower times and I receive zero visitors.

Daily I attempt to work on the formation of my non-profit organization but it is hard to focus on something that feels so far away. Especially since I have no idea what I am doing. I am not familiar with any of the paperwork that I am looking at. I've only heard the terminology that is being used in passing and there is no one to help me understand any of this.

I think my biggest problem is that I have always lived one moment at a time and now that has come back to haunt me. I have experienced so many wonderful things in life, a life lived like it was all a dream. I have always had the biggest heart and thought of others just as much as I thought of myself (favorite quote, "I am a Socialist with a Capitalist Migraine"). This has seem to have comeback to bite me in my big black behind. People that I have called friends are no longer there. I have a couple of people but for the most part I am a man alone with my eccentric esoteric thoughts.

I truly have struggled through-out the years with always having a different thought pattern, discernment, reason or rationale from the average person. Although, I must admit, for the most part I loved being different. It wasn't easy when I was young and still in school. It has not been easy in the work force. The time where I have loved it is being an Entertainer.

I have graced many of stage in my days of entertainment glory. From plays/musicals to stand-up comedy. From Hip-Hop concerts to Poetry readings, high school talent shows to the Staples Center where my World Champion LA Lakers call home and everything in-between. I do keep true to the belief that my days of writing, producing and performing have not concluded. Which is when it all comes down to it... My Writing is All I Have & My Writing Will Bring Me Through the Fire!!!