Saturday Night Live on My Desert Island aka Up The Hill

There are not many things that I can think of that are worse than being in an argument with someone u care about at 1am, them falling asleep and your wide awake with all your thoughts because you took a nap at 7:30pm.

Unfortunately this is where I am finding myself right now. It is not the worse possible thing that could be happening to me in life. I mean I could be dealing with the lost of a loved one or my house could be on fire (although I am not a home owner and currently living under my parents roof at 38 years of age....Damn). I think I have made my point of things that could be much worse though, so let us move forward.

My biggest problem right now is that I have not learned how to redirect my negative thoughts into a positive direction all the time without flaw. I can perform this task numerous times throughout an average day so that I do not get trapped into trying to stop the inevitable from becoming real. In other words, "If you think it, then it shall be be real." This is a simple quote that I believe and hold whole-heartedly too. It is Universal Law, I guess, you could say. How about this, we'll just call it "Faith Manifested" and I have no desire to think anything that I do not want to become real.


So I have been experiencing every type of warfare lately. I have fought with myself spiritually, emotionally, rationally & physically. Most of these wars are fought on the battleground over nicotine and my desires to smoke a cigarette. Addiction is cruel and I am in combat with a cruel enemy.

Okay, back to my Faith Manifested. The last month plus (July & August) has been particularly difficult for me. I have had a birthday, found myself in the ER and completely lost my financial and physical independence. I am currently residing with my parents in Victorville, CA aka the High Desert aka "Up the Hill." It is not the greatest situation but at least I have a roof over my head.

One of the many great battles I must endure by being up the hill is not being close to my friends. It is not easy being less than a hour away from the city but feeling like you might as well be in a different country. It almost feels like I have been abandoned or banished to an desert island, where the humanoid occupants have only half their adult teeth & use grunting sounds for speech. An Island where the inhabitants constantly question my desire to willfully make a residence here. I can only look them in their wide, red desert eyes and say... "I have No Idea Why any of Us, do what we Do."

Hopefully within the next 45 days I can conclude this excursion and make my way back to L.A. County. Maybe the city of Pomona shall be my next stop or at least Upland, Rancho Cucamonga or Fontana which are also always nice choices. As for this weekend I shall sit with this computer and keyboard, focus on Facebook and dream with reckless abandon.