Documentary of a 38 Year Play in Progress...

Well I figure since it is my birthday weekend I have to post something. It is also my new calendar addition "Indie Movie Sunday" where I will watch at least one new independent movie every Sunday (if not more than one) which of course that prompts my intellectual being to produce, and that writer's itch that comes over me once or twice a week and I just can't resist.

I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions over the last past few weeks leading up to my 38th birthday. I have found myself in several new relationships and honestly none feel real. It is like my world has been trapped between reality-n-fantasy and I am viewing everything through an outer body third perception. I can only describe it as I am the playwright, the director and the main actor in a romantic comedy. My trouble is that I see the irony that is quickly morphing my lighthearted, comedic-love story into a dramatic tragedy but can not change the scene or redirect my control over the supporting cast.

The scene that my life has been set against and my on stage "B-story" has been placed on the back burner but is rapidly poising itself for a Tony Award-Winning, center stage emotional supernova explosion. I have always thought of myself as being in a situation of economic inferiority as compared to most of my industry peers (who are all homeowners if not millionaires) but with the decline of the nation on a whole financially has me in a position where every dollar that is made feels like it could be the last.

Recently I my joy has been replace with superficial, temporary physical giggles over a thriving, vibrant mind and soul that made their home in happiness and content to "Let Go & Let God". I turned 38 years old yesterday and the only question I could ask myself is, "What can I afford?" I asked myself if I can afford to live in a nice townhouse in Rancho Cucamonga? Can I afford having any woman in my life right now? Can I afford not to write? Can I afford not to record?

This play is in no way over and I shall re-write like the Dickens and create the greatest transition into the most magnificent ending ever imagined. My 38 Year Play in Progress is just beginning to thicken and will take everyone involved on the outrageous and awesome ride the moment you, my audience are ready.

Come With Me Now...

Anaïs Nin

"I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls."

— Anaïs Nin

I am a Socialist with a Capitalist Migraine

I am a Socialist with a Capitalist Migraine

I want to Save the World while wearing Kenneth Cole t-shirts, DKNY white linen cargo carpi pants & rock Salvatore Ferragamo flip flops...

I'm always working hard to help various non-profit organizations gain recognition and fund raise for research but I have never wanted to look homeless while I do it...

Although, I find it more important to push my mental muscle and build bigger my soul so I can hold the weight of the world on my neck and spine. I'll always find time to tilt my L-R-G trucker ball cap to the right side...

I mean I really love fashion, love looking good & I love staying fresh-n-clean but it doesn't mean that my soul has any less depth than the president of the American Red Cross or creator of TOMS "1 for 1" shoes...

I Recycle
I Reduce
I Reuse
and I refuse to dress like a hippie
or been known as that one cat that really needs a shower...


So tell me,
While u judge me...
What are your guilty pleasures?

Mortality in the Making

On Thursday at 11:59pm I was headed into my Friday morning facing my mortality. Riding passenger in a friend's Chevy Trail Blazer struggling to keep my composure while my chest felt as if my heart was going to stop functioning in the next second. That was not what I had an issue with, but what was the cause and what was going to be the final result of this dilemma was all I could think about.

Now honestly speaking, I've seen times where immediate life threatening danger was baring down upon me. The difference in this situation was the amount of time I had to sit and think and there was also the fact I could not do anything about it. I could not fight, hide or call anyone for any assisitance. The feelings and thoughts that were streaming around my head with the speed of light, were bright but had no shine. Thoughts of Jade and Ayden, my parents, friends, family and my words...

I thought of every thought that I had most recently had but hadn't a chance to express. I saw so many dreams and fantasies that could never become reality if tonight was going to be my last. I became the 1st hand witness to my immortality being in question.

I have always believed that I would breath forever. That I would be everywhere and do everything. That my children's children would speak of me as they seen me in person. That my family would reminisce of my wedding with the fondness of watching Micheal Jackson perform Billie Jean on Motown 25 where he 1st rocked the "Moonwalk" and adorned the infamous sequenced glove. My life will not be forever and I was seeing this for the 1st time.

It is now 4 days later. America had celebrated it's 235th birthday and I will celebrate my 38th on Saturday, July 9th. I want to do so many things but I know that I will not be accompanied by who I truly desire. I will not have my wife with me because she does not exist. I will not have my children with me because... I do not even know why...

I will not see another Birthday like this tho...


Today is the Tomorrow that I have been Promising to do Better...

Bag Lady

Ur Baggage is Back Breaking!!!

This is a statement and not a question.
It is not up for discussion.
It is fact.