Tag...Your It (chasing what you can't catch)

Good Day People of a Higher Understanding...

This morning I awakened from a very short slumber with quite a bit on my mind. Before I went to bed last night I was texting three different women friends in my life, all with whom were seeking the same advice, "Why is this relationship game so hard to understand?"

I heard every question from, "Am I not young enough anymore? Am I just not beautiful enough anymore? Am I just not desirable? Why doesn't he want me?" and my personal favorite, "Why do so many men I date desire me and beg for me hand in marriage but the one I seem to want does not desire to settle down?" With that being my personal favorite, I will use this as the context for today's post.

So let's start with the ladder, "Why do so many men desire me but the one I seem to want not want to settle down?" It is simple really, humans desire what they can not have. It is all about the chase. We have all heard the parable, "A bird in the hand, is worth more than two in the bush." No matter how many times we hear colorful euphemisms like this, we never get the point. I mean we get it, but we never know how to apply it at the right times. We can never see or appreciate the beauty of what is right in front of us because we are to busy looking for what is better. We see what others have and believe that we want the greener grass just as they have.

There is also a deeper reality but still it is also simple. Look around you. How many relationships are you aware of that the man is more yoked than the woman and yet are still functional? The answer is blatant, not very many (actually, I see none). Over time a man chasing a woman is seen as weak. No matter who this man is and what he has accomplished in life, it is a sign of weakness to women if a man places her upon a pedestal. If he shares to much emotion, then he is weak. If he chases her or is displays everyday passion, then he is weak. A woman never wants a man that is co-dependent. She doesn't want to know that he's world would end if she leaves. She wants to feel that she is desired but never needed. Picking out his clothes or making a meal is great but it's very rare she wants to feel like he will stop existing if she is no longer there.

I know that this sounds odd and I hate to paint the picture that this is how every relationship is but 99.99% seem to work this way. Woman do not desire a man that would move across country for a women's job but they would rather have a man that would give them the ultimatum of following them or falling off if he needs to relocate at the drop of a dime. They want a man that can lead. The Woman's Right Movement has only come so far in this psychological understanding. Most women still secretly desire to be told what to do by their significant other, or as we would say back in the day,"What's Deal Is."

This has been true since the beginning of time. I have proven it, tried and tested, and seen it work many times for myself. If I show a woman the bare minimum of interest, she will follow me like I am God. If I tell a woman that she has my heart and pledge my unwavering commitment to her, then I would lose her. I have held many women at bay to only have them continue with more vigor after every time I let them know that I like them but I am not interested in settling down. To be honest if this is true for me then it must be something to it, because as Notorious B.I.G. said, "I'm a heartthrob never, black and ugly as ever. However...." Somehow, I still managed to step through some exclusive doors with models on my elbow.

I can even proceed a step further. Imagine the relationships where the men chase the women. Do you see these relationships as functional or do you see these women as settling? We look at these relationships and see something unnatural. When in fact, these relationships are where usually the most love lives. Why, because the men are actually involved in the emotional side of the relationship and when you have a man that loves a woman so much he can not stop telling her, then you have something very special there. Unfortunately, the natural cycle of our nature does not allow for a man to ever be so vulnerable because most every woman are seeking strength and dominance. They don't see a compromising man as fit or strong. They see him as weak or as a weenie. You can't head the household if you can't head the relationship. Women are natural nurturers and if a man becomes that nurturer than the woman looses interest.

If you do not believe me. Then think of the last man who asked you to move in with him. You denied that man but sat around hoping that the man that is denying you, would pose that same proposition. It is not that the second man is a better suit for you, on the contrary he is the total opposite. He is unavailable and unwilling to compromise but since that is a challenge and he is not easy. You see having this man as more of being worthy with than the first. The second man will never appreciate you as the first does but this is actually a desirable trait to you. Unfortunately, most women do not figure this out until after 5/10 years of marriage and 2/3 children. But go ahead and marry that second man and do not be surprised when he is carrying on a relationships with a co-worker or the coffee girl on his route.

Finally, the best way I can explain it is to look at the prize factor. Men see women as a great compromise and women see men a prize. The difference is that a man can settle for a lessor prize and a woman can't. Her determination will not allow her to be with someone that is not a top draft pick. As for a man, we see it as who treats us the best in combination with who looks the best as being the winners. We easily settle for convenience over love or commitment. We seek those that will take care of us like our mothers or like we think our mother should have. Women can not settle for just that. They must be made to feel like whatever they are doing is never quite good enough. In a relationship they desire to keep working harder and harder to be the woman that man desires. If we reaffirm their insecurities and tell them that they are exactly what we desire repetitively then they have nothing to strive for. If they we become content, then they loose interest. If we show to much attention, they loose interest.

Now I understand that many of you might think I am full to the bulging of my expresso brown eyeballs and I have know idea what I am talking about (and I just might have it all wrong). This is just an unproven philosophy that I found through observation and studying. I have read a few hundred books on relationships written by psychologist and psychiatrist alike and several dozen written by actual "street pimps" on the art and laws of how to get and maintain that working girl. I have also journeyed as far as to incorporate the philosophies I've discovered through management and sales courses (the "How to be a Successful CEO" books and symposiums).

Unfortunately, most will never consider how everything is connected and many of these "Leadership" and "Laws of Attraction" books can help them better understand what the opposite sex needs in order to be happy and successful in their relationship. But to be honest, it is all so simple. Just keep doing what so many have done for thousands of years... Men keep your heart closed and Women keep giving yours away constantly til the man your looking for eventually decides to settle.


Author's Note:
I would like to give a big shout out to those men out there that have found a woman that they are free to love and appreciate and most importantly share their hearts with on a daily basis without settling or the fear of loosing the center of their universe.
(I would name a few but I am nervous to leave anyone out. The 6/7 of you know who you are and I am envious).

More Author's Notes:
People (ladies especially but not limited too), don't be afraid to comment this post. If your only texting, messaging or emailing me personally, then your missing the point of why I wrote this article. Which is to help my brothers and sisters learn how to grow their relationships stronger. Many of the things questions, opinions and comments you have sent me personally will help the rest of our family as well.

Finally, Last Word:
A point that I think many are missing is that we must all know thy self. We must figure out and learn what is most important to us as well as what we are willing to settle for.
What will ultimately make us happy that is actually achievable.