Victorville is Not Bringing It

On the 1st of this month I moved to the High Desert (Victorville, CA) and it has been Hell...

That move was made on Monday and today is Friday, which means I have been here for 5 days but one of which I spent back down the hill in Rancho. I am struggling to keep my sanity in an area that has zero cultural diversity and lacks any type of entertainment. The fact that I am making a real effort to stop smoking is not helping and also lacking steady employment has not made my time up here any easier.

I try to see the brighter side of life such as on August 16th I will be taking a test for a Social Services Eligibility Worker for the County of San Bernardino. This is about the only positive thing I have going in my life right now. My big problem is that I keep having this "Murphy's Law"thoughts that some how that one positive is going to go down the drain. Some how what can go wrong, inevitably will.

It is very much a feeling of incarceration being in this house everyday. Someone is always telling me what i can and cannot do. I have designated meal and shower times and I receive zero visitors.

Daily I attempt to work on the formation of my non-profit organization but it is hard to focus on something that feels so far away. Especially since I have no idea what I am doing. I am not familiar with any of the paperwork that I am looking at. I've only heard the terminology that is being used in passing and there is no one to help me understand any of this.

I think my biggest problem is that I have always lived one moment at a time and now that has come back to haunt me. I have experienced so many wonderful things in life, a life lived like it was all a dream. I have always had the biggest heart and thought of others just as much as I thought of myself (favorite quote, "I am a Socialist with a Capitalist Migraine"). This has seem to have comeback to bite me in my big black behind. People that I have called friends are no longer there. I have a couple of people but for the most part I am a man alone with my eccentric esoteric thoughts.

I truly have struggled through-out the years with always having a different thought pattern, discernment, reason or rationale from the average person. Although, I must admit, for the most part I loved being different. It wasn't easy when I was young and still in school. It has not been easy in the work force. The time where I have loved it is being an Entertainer.

I have graced many of stage in my days of entertainment glory. From plays/musicals to stand-up comedy. From Hip-Hop concerts to Poetry readings, high school talent shows to the Staples Center where my World Champion LA Lakers call home and everything in-between. I do keep true to the belief that my days of writing, producing and performing have not concluded. Which is when it all comes down to it... My Writing is All I Have & My Writing Will Bring Me Through the Fire!!!