(i thought long and hard about this one
and realized i just have to get it out)
Eleven years ago I experienced the worst Father's Day Ever...
I found out a month or so b4 that I was going to be a Father for the 1st time (so far only time). Days b4 this Father's Day previously mentioned, I found out that my girlfriend and her mother decided that they were going to Abort my unborn child. Of course this was news that did not fall on welcoming and settled ears.
That Father's Day my family went to church and after congregated for an early dinner celebration at my brother & sister-in-law's home in Chino. Through-out church service I struggled with many tears, attempting to see the many blessings I am receiving daily and pull myself from a depressed mind-state. Dinner time had came and the food smelled wonderful. We said grace as always and it was time to dig in. Like most Father's Day celebrations the fathers eat first. At last, the story thickens...
As I grab my plate and begin to shovel some wonderful goods upon it. My sister-in-law screams, "Stop!!! What Are You Doing? You Are Not A Real Father!!!". Now keeping with already embarrassing tone she protest my perceived arrogance as an insult, snatches the plate from my hand and informs me how i have to wait to eat last.
Now most of you know that I have been quite the "Thug Individual" through-out the course of my early years. So of course at this moment, a billion tears rolled endlessly (and I mean like them snotty extremely loud tears too). My brother prayed with me for a couple of minutes, called my homie, had him pick me up and sent me on my way.
A few weeks later, in the month of July, she decided to go through with the procedure and terminated the pregnancy.
It was July 9, 1998...
My 25th Birthday
I wrote a poem about this very subject not long ago. I hope it brings understanding. There is no intention of sorrow. I wish I could have soaked up your tears. I put this on my myspace blog 2008.
ReplyDeleteBLUES-N
Haven’t written in 8 months. No desire, no emotion. I’ve been on a quest for inner strength and peace, in other words, pulling my feelings from my sleeves and disconnecting from the emotional me. So in the words of Tupac, "sumpin on yo mind, let it off." It’s been a minute, so forgive me if I’m rusty.
He took hold of my thoughts
Then my dreams...memories
Made it’s way to my body
and now it’s my reality
Yes...MY reality.
I dont want to be writing
But this shit is haunting
You have no clue of what I’m bout to do
It’s been done before like changing my drawers
Don’t want to but it’s just not feasible
Recession...no time for regressin or stressin
Gotta keep pressin but I made this mess
I was weak for the man now here I go again
Too conscious to keep
I weep for the seed
That will never grow to see
Not the supporting cast to your Star
Takes two to get this far
Fear set in before it began
But I believe love will find me again
-Daphne Copyright 2008