Hopeless, Open, Heart-n-Soul Powered & Moving Forward

It is Monday morning and I have not left my house since Saturday evening when I got off of work. I truly know what cabin fever is now. I have been in conversation with an old friend lately who has been around since the beginning of this year. She has helped me out of many tight situations over the last few months and I truly appreciate it. I have been considering an actual relationship with her but because of past incidents and history I am not sure if that would be the correct choice. We have known each other since we were in high school over 20 years ago and dated a few years outside of high school when we were 20 and 21. I desire more with her and she lets me know daily that she would love to have more with me but once again I must state that I just do not know.

There has also been some communication with my ex-girlfriend. That has been difficult because though we only dated seriously for a short time (less than 2 months), I have had the darnedest time completely moving pass that relationship. I am not sure if I liked the thought of having a woman that I had complete attraction and desired for or if I was really wanting a relationship with her. It is wild because I would have thought that they were both the same but I am realizing now that I really know how to romanticize a situation.

I learn something new about myself everyday. My most recent discovery is that "I am a Hopeless Romantic" and I'm not sure if I like it. I simply see that it is easily a larger component of what makes me a poet and capable of true love but it also makes me vulnerable for heartbreak. Another dimension of "The Gift & Curse" I must endure through.
Good. Bad, and the Ugly drama that must proceed when every fantasy becomes reality.

I had quite a negative break-up with my ex-gf and turned very ugly and disrespectful when the relationship ended. I would text her outrageous messages over a 2 day period, letting her know what I felt about her and how much I could not stand her. Obviously, half of it was not the case, I really did like and appreciate her but I was hurt and I could not see past that. The statements I was making that were truthful, were delivered with such anger and resentment for the way I was treated that they could never be taken in their true context. I am constantly apologizing to her everyday for being so disrespectful and hope that I can get my Honor as a Good Man back.

I would Love to repair my ex-gf's pains and sorrows I caused and also the ones that were there before I arrived. I know it is not possible to turn back time and if you could and I was limited to the amount of times I could perform that fantastical trick. I know that this most recent event would not make that top 25 of my historical mishaps and blunders I wish I could go back and repair. This does not mean I will not try everything in my powers to move forward with bringing new positivity to an old negative. I know I want to Heal and I want her to Heal.

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you." -Brain Tracy

Okay, time to eat some chocolate cake, ice cream and a few chocolate chip cookies, my all-time favorite comfort foods. So Yeah, don't usually hear men speak of comfort food very often do you? Guess that is the Hopeless Romantic in me. Would anyone else would like some of my goodies?