Love: Selfish or Selfless?

So I was reading a quote today that jogged a few old thoughts and questions about my philosophy of "Being In Love" loose.

My #1 question would be, is Pure & True Love Selfish or Selfless? My #2 question would be, does Unconditional Love really exist? The final question I struggle with is, can you love someone more than you love yourself?

Being that Love is an emotion, based on personal philosophy and since philosophy is not a science, I am not in anyway attempting to make such declaring statements that I want to sway anyone to believing I have a PhD in any science (I am just an highly opinionated, college drop-out, who has learned and applied experience "in the streets" lol).

1st things 1st... If we are all to believe it is unhealthy to love someone more than you love yourself, then love can never be selfless or unconditional. Although, if you believe in unconditional love then it would be nothing to believe that your love is selfless and unconditional.

Oddly enough, I believe in God but I do not believe in unconditional love. I do believe that love is selfish and I do believe that it is harmful to love someone else more than you love yourself. I think it would be only fair if I added that I am one of the most selfless and giving people that I know. I was originally raised in a family, home, church, school and community that instilled a philanthropy value and lead by extreme example. I turned my back from time to time on this philosophy upon reaching my early 20s and still occasionally struggle with a self-preservation instinct which is natural human instinct.

Today I look back on the many great and average relationships I have experienced over my 38 years on this planet. I have loved, been in love and been loved by a many of beautiful, gorgeous women (inside-n-out). I have chosen my mates based variety of different reasons but one has always remained steadfast. I have always wanted to be treated like a King and was always determined to treat them as my Phenomenal Feminine Pharaoh, the Queen of All Dreams.

Now not all women from my past have been treated the same. My levels of compromise have always varied individual to individual and when I reflect on the differences the reasons all remain same. How did she treat me is the only variation. When it all came down to it, my happiness was the most important thing to me and determined the level of my compromise.

In short, I can not say that i believe i can ever love another human being more than myself and to be in love is to still think selfish.

Uncle Salaam's "Bizarre Ride Through My Bright Black Mind"

Good Day Gorgeous Supporters

& Active Interest Takers into the Thoughts & Visions of an Eclectic, Florescent, Electric, Super-Sized Circus known as...

Uncle Salaam's: "Bizarre Ride Through My Bright Black Mind"

Today is Tuesday, August 23, 2011, I am in Hemet, CA.

I have been working on an in-depth & honest resume since 7:30am and it is after 11:30am and I have a long way to go. Needless to say, this is extremely boring, which is the obvious reason for my break.

I have shared quite a few text messages with a many different people this morning (65% of them women). Through the course of my electronic transmissions with these various sisters, I have found out a few things about myself and my future. I have a hard time trusting women today. I am still the "Hopeless Romantic" from previous post omissions but today I realize that I'm not as Happy to be such. It is like today I realized something new and very dramatic.

Today I realized that I am a "Hapless Romantic"

I saw my desires for what they are. I noticed that I dream so hard of "Love" and "Being In Love" that I do not take the time to respect, develop nor work on Love the way I should. I am such a fan of written words that I ignore speech and actions most times. Tell me u Love Me in a text message and I forget that how irritated I may have been the previous hour. Tell me that I mean more to you than anything and I will forget that your running a hour late for dinner. Tell me that I am the Greatest and I might let you join me in a Vertical Joyride...(lol)

Seriously speaking, I am just saying that I know I must decrease my falling speed. To be honest, I think my problem is not that I keep falling so quickly but more jumping over the edge with no bungee-cord. I need to walk into Love. I need to enjoy the Journey as well as the Destination.

"this time tho (keepin it real)

I'm staying on point like Bobby Flay in a BBQ Throwdown

& I'm Guarding My Grill"

Okay Wonderful People, I need to conclude this trip and continue with my resume writing. Try to have an Awesome Day without any further Interruptions from My Bright Black Mind.

I...C...U

Eye Ran the World
& Realized that Day Dreams aren't for Kings or Queens...

so Eye...

Killed the Thoughts a of Young Prince,

Eye...

Neglected My Physical & Emotion,

Eye...

Cleansed My Eye upon the Sight of a Phenomenal Feminine Pharaoh,
Marched to the Top of the Gaza Pyramid,
Spread My Soul,

& Re-Birthed Myself Morally New for You

Come Kiss My Lips & Make My Blood Boil

the taste of Cranberry & Chocolate Chips caress my lips when I wish for kisses frm the sweetest victory after an argument beyond winning

in the beginning we shared over cooked creative disasters
& still smiled because the presence of an earth maiden, archer firing flaming arrows was a present that blessed me with a bulls-eye every time

& my gift
it was ur lips when the sunset & the moon called like hip-hop MCs in the 80s

Yes
Yes
Ya'll
to the beat ya'll

we are...
on one rhythm
one sound & one accord
with one heart beating I can't ignore that way my music skips when ur sweet kiss is flavored with cranberries, white chocolate chips & macadamia nuts

touch me
as I clutch u
Come Kiss My Lips & Make My Blood Boil

Saturday Night Live on My Desert Island aka Up The Hill

There are not many things that I can think of that are worse than being in an argument with someone u care about at 1am, them falling asleep and your wide awake with all your thoughts because you took a nap at 7:30pm.

Unfortunately this is where I am finding myself right now. It is not the worse possible thing that could be happening to me in life. I mean I could be dealing with the lost of a loved one or my house could be on fire (although I am not a home owner and currently living under my parents roof at 38 years of age....Damn). I think I have made my point of things that could be much worse though, so let us move forward.

My biggest problem right now is that I have not learned how to redirect my negative thoughts into a positive direction all the time without flaw. I can perform this task numerous times throughout an average day so that I do not get trapped into trying to stop the inevitable from becoming real. In other words, "If you think it, then it shall be be real." This is a simple quote that I believe and hold whole-heartedly too. It is Universal Law, I guess, you could say. How about this, we'll just call it "Faith Manifested" and I have no desire to think anything that I do not want to become real.


So I have been experiencing every type of warfare lately. I have fought with myself spiritually, emotionally, rationally & physically. Most of these wars are fought on the battleground over nicotine and my desires to smoke a cigarette. Addiction is cruel and I am in combat with a cruel enemy.

Okay, back to my Faith Manifested. The last month plus (July & August) has been particularly difficult for me. I have had a birthday, found myself in the ER and completely lost my financial and physical independence. I am currently residing with my parents in Victorville, CA aka the High Desert aka "Up the Hill." It is not the greatest situation but at least I have a roof over my head.

One of the many great battles I must endure by being up the hill is not being close to my friends. It is not easy being less than a hour away from the city but feeling like you might as well be in a different country. It almost feels like I have been abandoned or banished to an desert island, where the humanoid occupants have only half their adult teeth & use grunting sounds for speech. An Island where the inhabitants constantly question my desire to willfully make a residence here. I can only look them in their wide, red desert eyes and say... "I have No Idea Why any of Us, do what we Do."

Hopefully within the next 45 days I can conclude this excursion and make my way back to L.A. County. Maybe the city of Pomona shall be my next stop or at least Upland, Rancho Cucamonga or Fontana which are also always nice choices. As for this weekend I shall sit with this computer and keyboard, focus on Facebook and dream with reckless abandon.

Victorville is Not Bringing It

On the 1st of this month I moved to the High Desert (Victorville, CA) and it has been Hell...

That move was made on Monday and today is Friday, which means I have been here for 5 days but one of which I spent back down the hill in Rancho. I am struggling to keep my sanity in an area that has zero cultural diversity and lacks any type of entertainment. The fact that I am making a real effort to stop smoking is not helping and also lacking steady employment has not made my time up here any easier.

I try to see the brighter side of life such as on August 16th I will be taking a test for a Social Services Eligibility Worker for the County of San Bernardino. This is about the only positive thing I have going in my life right now. My big problem is that I keep having this "Murphy's Law"thoughts that some how that one positive is going to go down the drain. Some how what can go wrong, inevitably will.

It is very much a feeling of incarceration being in this house everyday. Someone is always telling me what i can and cannot do. I have designated meal and shower times and I receive zero visitors.

Daily I attempt to work on the formation of my non-profit organization but it is hard to focus on something that feels so far away. Especially since I have no idea what I am doing. I am not familiar with any of the paperwork that I am looking at. I've only heard the terminology that is being used in passing and there is no one to help me understand any of this.

I think my biggest problem is that I have always lived one moment at a time and now that has come back to haunt me. I have experienced so many wonderful things in life, a life lived like it was all a dream. I have always had the biggest heart and thought of others just as much as I thought of myself (favorite quote, "I am a Socialist with a Capitalist Migraine"). This has seem to have comeback to bite me in my big black behind. People that I have called friends are no longer there. I have a couple of people but for the most part I am a man alone with my eccentric esoteric thoughts.

I truly have struggled through-out the years with always having a different thought pattern, discernment, reason or rationale from the average person. Although, I must admit, for the most part I loved being different. It wasn't easy when I was young and still in school. It has not been easy in the work force. The time where I have loved it is being an Entertainer.

I have graced many of stage in my days of entertainment glory. From plays/musicals to stand-up comedy. From Hip-Hop concerts to Poetry readings, high school talent shows to the Staples Center where my World Champion LA Lakers call home and everything in-between. I do keep true to the belief that my days of writing, producing and performing have not concluded. Which is when it all comes down to it... My Writing is All I Have & My Writing Will Bring Me Through the Fire!!!

Documentary of a 38 Year Play in Progress...

Well I figure since it is my birthday weekend I have to post something. It is also my new calendar addition "Indie Movie Sunday" where I will watch at least one new independent movie every Sunday (if not more than one) which of course that prompts my intellectual being to produce, and that writer's itch that comes over me once or twice a week and I just can't resist.

I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions over the last past few weeks leading up to my 38th birthday. I have found myself in several new relationships and honestly none feel real. It is like my world has been trapped between reality-n-fantasy and I am viewing everything through an outer body third perception. I can only describe it as I am the playwright, the director and the main actor in a romantic comedy. My trouble is that I see the irony that is quickly morphing my lighthearted, comedic-love story into a dramatic tragedy but can not change the scene or redirect my control over the supporting cast.

The scene that my life has been set against and my on stage "B-story" has been placed on the back burner but is rapidly poising itself for a Tony Award-Winning, center stage emotional supernova explosion. I have always thought of myself as being in a situation of economic inferiority as compared to most of my industry peers (who are all homeowners if not millionaires) but with the decline of the nation on a whole financially has me in a position where every dollar that is made feels like it could be the last.

Recently I my joy has been replace with superficial, temporary physical giggles over a thriving, vibrant mind and soul that made their home in happiness and content to "Let Go & Let God". I turned 38 years old yesterday and the only question I could ask myself is, "What can I afford?" I asked myself if I can afford to live in a nice townhouse in Rancho Cucamonga? Can I afford having any woman in my life right now? Can I afford not to write? Can I afford not to record?

This play is in no way over and I shall re-write like the Dickens and create the greatest transition into the most magnificent ending ever imagined. My 38 Year Play in Progress is just beginning to thicken and will take everyone involved on the outrageous and awesome ride the moment you, my audience are ready.

Come With Me Now...

Anaïs Nin

"I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls."

— Anaïs Nin

I am a Socialist with a Capitalist Migraine

I am a Socialist with a Capitalist Migraine

I want to Save the World while wearing Kenneth Cole t-shirts, DKNY white linen cargo carpi pants & rock Salvatore Ferragamo flip flops...

I'm always working hard to help various non-profit organizations gain recognition and fund raise for research but I have never wanted to look homeless while I do it...

Although, I find it more important to push my mental muscle and build bigger my soul so I can hold the weight of the world on my neck and spine. I'll always find time to tilt my L-R-G trucker ball cap to the right side...

I mean I really love fashion, love looking good & I love staying fresh-n-clean but it doesn't mean that my soul has any less depth than the president of the American Red Cross or creator of TOMS "1 for 1" shoes...

I Recycle
I Reduce
I Reuse
and I refuse to dress like a hippie
or been known as that one cat that really needs a shower...


So tell me,
While u judge me...
What are your guilty pleasures?

Mortality in the Making

On Thursday at 11:59pm I was headed into my Friday morning facing my mortality. Riding passenger in a friend's Chevy Trail Blazer struggling to keep my composure while my chest felt as if my heart was going to stop functioning in the next second. That was not what I had an issue with, but what was the cause and what was going to be the final result of this dilemma was all I could think about.

Now honestly speaking, I've seen times where immediate life threatening danger was baring down upon me. The difference in this situation was the amount of time I had to sit and think and there was also the fact I could not do anything about it. I could not fight, hide or call anyone for any assisitance. The feelings and thoughts that were streaming around my head with the speed of light, were bright but had no shine. Thoughts of Jade and Ayden, my parents, friends, family and my words...

I thought of every thought that I had most recently had but hadn't a chance to express. I saw so many dreams and fantasies that could never become reality if tonight was going to be my last. I became the 1st hand witness to my immortality being in question.

I have always believed that I would breath forever. That I would be everywhere and do everything. That my children's children would speak of me as they seen me in person. That my family would reminisce of my wedding with the fondness of watching Micheal Jackson perform Billie Jean on Motown 25 where he 1st rocked the "Moonwalk" and adorned the infamous sequenced glove. My life will not be forever and I was seeing this for the 1st time.

It is now 4 days later. America had celebrated it's 235th birthday and I will celebrate my 38th on Saturday, July 9th. I want to do so many things but I know that I will not be accompanied by who I truly desire. I will not have my wife with me because she does not exist. I will not have my children with me because... I do not even know why...

I will not see another Birthday like this tho...


Today is the Tomorrow that I have been Promising to do Better...

Bag Lady

Ur Baggage is Back Breaking!!!

This is a statement and not a question.
It is not up for discussion.
It is fact.

Stay Strong & Stay Positive

"Life is Harsh and Ugly, so Don't Reject Me..."
-Nas

For the most part, June has been a disturbingly unattractive and ugly month for me and quite a few of my close friends. First, I have dealt with more financial hardship than normal. Now more than I've had to deal with the situations I'm going through, I've been making an extraordinary attempt to be a "Great Friend" to quite a few in my life.

I realize that as many problems as I think I could have that I must remember, what I am going through is nothing.

*I am not dying
*I am not incarcerated
*I am not homeless
*My children do not hate me
(even if I can't see them all the time/everyday)



Hmmm, I just realized that making that list was harder than making a list of positives. It was actually difficult for me to phrase the negative situations that were not happening to me. I kept wanting to say everything positively. I wanted to say...

*I am Alive
*I am Free
*I have a Place to Rest My Head Every Night
*I Love My Children & My Children Love Me


We must all remember to be thankful for what we have and not what we do not have. We must not confuse tough times and hardship for definite end of the world catastrophe.

I have watched many people in the most recent years across America and the entire world face incredibly discouraging and entire life changing, destructive odds.

Earthquakes, Floods, Tsunamis, Tornadoes and Hurricanes and through all the pushed forward.

We lose our homes and our cars breakdown. We lose jobs or our medical coverage is cut. We even lose family members to death and disease. We also must remember that there are a great number of people in Joplin, Missouri and in the country of Japan who this year have lost everything I just named in the same hour. People who have faced great devastation and had to muster the necessary strength to keep going.

I have been trying to figure out what is it that keeps people going in those outrageous circumstances. Is it mental or spiritual? Is it a biological gene bred and passed through many years of family bloodlines? Could it be social-psychological and/or cultural upbringing that since birth has been installed into every child with-in their society eventually creating great adults? I think it could be all of the above and that many of the those next to me need to figure out how to tap into these powers and begin to prepare ourselves and our children on what the true definition of "Strength" really is...

Stay Strong & Stay Positive People

Hopeless, Open, Heart-n-Soul Powered & Moving Forward

It is Monday morning and I have not left my house since Saturday evening when I got off of work. I truly know what cabin fever is now. I have been in conversation with an old friend lately who has been around since the beginning of this year. She has helped me out of many tight situations over the last few months and I truly appreciate it. I have been considering an actual relationship with her but because of past incidents and history I am not sure if that would be the correct choice. We have known each other since we were in high school over 20 years ago and dated a few years outside of high school when we were 20 and 21. I desire more with her and she lets me know daily that she would love to have more with me but once again I must state that I just do not know.

There has also been some communication with my ex-girlfriend. That has been difficult because though we only dated seriously for a short time (less than 2 months), I have had the darnedest time completely moving pass that relationship. I am not sure if I liked the thought of having a woman that I had complete attraction and desired for or if I was really wanting a relationship with her. It is wild because I would have thought that they were both the same but I am realizing now that I really know how to romanticize a situation.

I learn something new about myself everyday. My most recent discovery is that "I am a Hopeless Romantic" and I'm not sure if I like it. I simply see that it is easily a larger component of what makes me a poet and capable of true love but it also makes me vulnerable for heartbreak. Another dimension of "The Gift & Curse" I must endure through.
Good. Bad, and the Ugly drama that must proceed when every fantasy becomes reality.

I had quite a negative break-up with my ex-gf and turned very ugly and disrespectful when the relationship ended. I would text her outrageous messages over a 2 day period, letting her know what I felt about her and how much I could not stand her. Obviously, half of it was not the case, I really did like and appreciate her but I was hurt and I could not see past that. The statements I was making that were truthful, were delivered with such anger and resentment for the way I was treated that they could never be taken in their true context. I am constantly apologizing to her everyday for being so disrespectful and hope that I can get my Honor as a Good Man back.

I would Love to repair my ex-gf's pains and sorrows I caused and also the ones that were there before I arrived. I know it is not possible to turn back time and if you could and I was limited to the amount of times I could perform that fantastical trick. I know that this most recent event would not make that top 25 of my historical mishaps and blunders I wish I could go back and repair. This does not mean I will not try everything in my powers to move forward with bringing new positivity to an old negative. I know I want to Heal and I want her to Heal.

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you." -Brain Tracy

Okay, time to eat some chocolate cake, ice cream and a few chocolate chip cookies, my all-time favorite comfort foods. So Yeah, don't usually hear men speak of comfort food very often do you? Guess that is the Hopeless Romantic in me. Would anyone else would like some of my goodies?

Smith Family King... Happy Fater's Day

I Love My Father...

He is a Real King...

Happy Father's Day Papa...

Reality vs. Experience

I stumbled upon a profound quote many years ago. In an instant it dictated an etching on my eternal conscious that will last 9 minutes beyond eternity.

"We don't see things as they are,
we see them as we are"
- Anais Nin

If you truly know me then you are aware that I have experienced a great many things.
My Reality.
You know that I keep an universal view of reality that evolves with every sensation I experience just as everyone grows in some way or another by what they touch, taste, see, smell and hear. Although, to know me means knowing this process is in complete over-drive in every moment due to my Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder & an emotionally spiritual passion so great that if our sun had begun to burn dim, I would bury my heart into the ground so it could give our earth the power to continue to rotate. Now that is exactly what I describe as beautiful passion, though some may rather refer to that as being emotionally unstable. To which I say... "Yes, stability never creates, it only stands still & God choose me to move mountains into the seas and make waves. Why else would he call me his Sun?"

Now let me have a minute or so to work my way backwards through this all. I want to touch more upon this powerful quote that has stayed with me for the better part of 10 years now. I have always held to the philosophy that "personal experiences shape our realities." Although, recently this philosophy has been experiencing more of the "which came 1st, the chicken or the egg" question.

I do believe that every experience we have in every moment of life is creating a new understanding in our reality. Now we take the new reality into the next experience with have in the next moment, create a new reality and there our reality cycles roll. Every moment of everyday our reality cycles gain momentum. Spinning a cyclone of experiences into a whirlwind of realities. What I have most recently realized is that because we take our own reality into new experiences, we also pull a total different reality out of the same exact experiences. The outrageous part of this all is that it seems so easy a concept to understand but the application is nowhere as easy to imply.

Here is a simple example. I have a conversation with someone I am dating over dinner. We are both experiencing the same surroundings, smells, courses in the meal but experiences that universally same reality in much different ways. I may think it went great from beginning to end. She felt it lacked luster and intellectually stimulating conversation. She may feel like I spoke to much about myself and not asked her enough questions. We both have a reality we walked into this date with, experienced the same experience but left with the completely different realities just as we came into it with.

Now the reason I wanted to expound on this particular subject today is because as individuals I feel it is important we understand the position and/or plight of the next man or woman. We are always so quick to judge and hold someone responsible for their actions but we must realize that they only can grab a reality out of every experience by how which the way they experience it. So do not judge their realities by your own because as many times as you can explain your reality, they are experiencing something different.

God's Will vs. Salaam's Will

It is the Wednesday before Father's Day & of course that time of the year that a brother really starts feeling down...

Unfortunately, this Father's Day is becoming even more & more difficult to deal with do to several relationship changes I have faced in the last 3 months. The ending of a 15 month relationship with my ex-girlfriend, Julie & her 4 children is hard. When u begin to compound that with the absence of Jade & Ayden from my life does not make it any easier. And finally you add in my most recent relationship defeat between Patricia & I with-in the last 72 hours you have a mix that is hyper explosive...

Now, I always try to think optimistically about the future but today it is becoming increasingly more difficult to look towards brighter tomorrows. I am not young anymore & have come to the realization that I will never have a child that is biologically mine, which means that I will never have the rights that so many fathers ignore. I will never look into the eyes of my son or daughter on their 1st day of school or on their wedding day. I will never become over run with joy on their birthday in the hospital & I will never experience knowing that my father's name will live on. I will never see these things.

I am not sure what the plan is that God has for me but I do know what it is I desire for myself and it is not to just be a bump in the road of everyone else's family journey & success. Every year at this time I begin to feel more and more like Job and Lot from the Old Testament Bible. I feel as if God is making an example of me or testing me by destroying everything around me. Every relationship I have fails for one reason or another and in the wake of these great devastating demoralizing defeats are children that I have become attached to when their father's are nowhere to be found. Every year another Father's Day rolls around and I am forced to remember what I will never have. I remember the 1st one, the Father's Day I had to deal with great loss.. A birthday that would have fallen about the same time as Ayden's in October/November that will never be. She/He would have been 12 years old right now if my baby was not aborted on my birthday, July 9, 1998...

I ask God to return to me a positive outlook on what Father's Day can be. I think of Him and my father, who is a great man although he is not always perfect. My father fell in love with my mother after returning from Vietnam and took on the responsibility of raising 4 children that were not biologically his & then creating another son after marriage which is me. We do not discuss this in my family for many reasons.

I Love My Father and Admire the Sacrifices that he continuously made and makes to this day. I think many forget what he has had to persevere over the last 40/45 years. We are quick to remember the bad decisions he has made with finances and maybe frown when he is not as willing to leap from his easy-chair and accompany us to a movie or basketball game. I however, do remember every day I have disappointed him. I remember the day he told me that I may not legally change my name to Salaam when I was 21 years ld because I am the only way his name will leave on in purity as I am his only biological son. I feel I disappoint him everyday, whether he himself still feels that way or not. I do remember every headache I have had to cause him when I had to seek his help in repairing the disasters my over-active mind conceived throughout my 37 years of living.

I know God has a plan for me, the same way he had a plan for my father. My only concern is that he delivers or reveals a positive part of it to me before I am to weak to continue on to the day that it will be fulfilled.

Happy Father's Day to All the Real Dads & Step-Dads Out There Busting Their Humps for Their Children & remember to let God's Will Be Done...


also read: http://unclesalaam.blogspot.com/2009/06/my-fathers-day.html

Jade's Promotion

Yesterday (Tuesday morning) my little girl graduated onto high school.

It was a proud moment for me & I was so honored to be appreciated and recognized by her & her family as being Jade's dad (even tho her mother & I have not been together for years). The thing that kept flashing and crawling through my mind was how do the men of this world continue to have children that they refuse to have any responsibility for? What is it about these most magnificent gifts of life make a man run?

I consider myself to be very blessed that I have been allowed to share in Jade & Ayden's lives as a father figure. I am experiencing a love that is like no other thing imaginable. The amazing thing about the whole situation is that they are both 2 Gorgeous and Happy children. They both have their issues like every child their age has but they are not "Out of Control" & they have so much Love in their Hearts.

Jade will be entering the Gifted and Talented Education Program (G.A.T.E.) at Etiwanda High School. I am so Proud of my brilliantly beautiful little girl it is beyond all my past dreams, desires and fantasies for her.

When her mother and I met, Jade was starting the 3rd grade and was starting to struggle academically in school. I explained to her mother that we must create an environment for both Jade and Ayden to scholastically thrive in. That accomplishment in education, knowledge, personal discipline, creativity & social skills are what we must dedicate our personal time to if we expect them to excel. I was told by several people that I was to dominating and that I expected to much from young students. (glad I did not listen to the nay-sayers).

I am not a supporter of the theories by which most Americans (conservatives & liberals alike) are raising their children under. I will not accept anything less than the best and you will not be rewarded without first truly making a honest and complete effort. You are not special until you prove that you are special. Life and the world are much to harsh and ugly for the way we are continually sending under-prepared young people into them. Both Jade and Ayden understood, stepped up to the challenge and began achieving and reaching for higher success. (and just in case you were wondering...I love the Tiger Mom's theories and balance between eastern & western child rearing practices)

I am planning to spend as much time as possible with Jade & Ayden this summer. I really feel like I have been missing many growth opportunities with them since I have been partially absent over the last 18 months (seeing them every other month for a weekend is just not enough for me). I hope that I can continue to be a most positive influence in their lives & I'm looking forward to that day they graduate from high school in 4 & 5 years.

I Love You Guys Forever!!!

Good Morning

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Time & Inner Space

Original People travel time

& search inner space for a place to call home...

roaming concrete covered souls

we expose ourselves to galactic glory

& ride comets thru the holes in ur soul

& fill those around us with galactic glory...

Original People Travel Time

& Search Inner Space for a Place known as Home...

Implode...

Burgundy Crush Velvet Voluptuous...

I step down the black stairway to heaven,

grind til spines combine & electricity sparks,

erotic parts fuse...

We Explode!!!

Kiss Lips & Rocket Ships Zoom...

Inner Galactic Time Travel,

unroll red velvet carpet & step aboard,

encore kiss my spirit with the tip of super nova stars

We Explode!!!

Riding in the Zone

expose u to me & sit not touching

but feeling every millimeter of your mind & soul

I Love it when...

We...

Implode...